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Stuff and a meme...
* I'm late with the Recathon post. It will go up tonight. I swear it.
* I settled a case today in a 8 hour mediation. My brain is totally mush.
* I spent so much time last night getting ready for the mediation that I got no Nano done. So I'm behind, already. I must catch up tonight.
Now for the fun stuff.
I saw this on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smirnoffmule's LJ.
Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
* I settled a case today in a 8 hour mediation. My brain is totally mush.
* I spent so much time last night getting ready for the mediation that I got no Nano done. So I'm behind, already. I must catch up tonight.
Now for the fun stuff.
I saw this on
smirnoffmule's LJ.Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
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Sure, his life was a little more complicated than the average person, but the average person couldn't freeze their body and singlehandedly win a snowball fight against three opponents, one of whom was a telekinetic.
He'd ruined everything. Any idiot could see that Hank was just stunned by the fall. Bobby's ice slide had cradled him from most of the impact and he was just gasping for breath. Any idiot except Bobby, who had landed beside his best friend in the world convinced that Hank was gasping his last breath.
Humiliation colored his face as he recalled clutching Hank's shoulders and screaming for help. Hank had gasped his name, sure, but that was only to reassure him that everything was going to be all right. Instead, Bobby heard a tremulous goodbye. Time froze, no pun intended, and all Bobby could think was that Hank was going to die before he knew how Bobby really felt about him.
So he'd kissed him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Hank stiffened underneath him and Bobby broke the kiss with a single frozen sob, only to be hauled upright by Scott, who was staring at him in shock. Warren and Jean stood off to the side, clearly having seen everything.
"We've got to go." Scott ordered. "Now. Beast, can you walk?"
To Bobby's eternal relief, Hank had replied. "Yes." It wasn't as eloquent as Hank normally was, but Bobby didn't care.
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I find this request really amusing because I cannot express how much I struggled with this fic. It was not the story I originally intended to write and more than anything else that I've ever written, I felt an intense embarrassment about what I was writing. I struggled with it until I realized that Bobby, for all that I love him, is not good at keeping his emotions secret and he's also not the most socially graceful person alive. He was embarrassed and I was embarrassed for him.
And you picked the second most difficult passage in terms of writing it for me to discuss. (The first being when Hank and Bobby finally spoke to one another.)
Sure, his life was a little more complicated than the average person, but the average person couldn't freeze their body and singlehandedly win a snowball fight against three opponents, one of whom was a telekinetic.
This may just be my personal canon for Bobby, but I think that more than the other original X-men, Bobby wishes he wasn't a mutant. He suffers more from internalized racism than the others do – and this is an idea that I only recently have learned how to discuss, thanks to the many intelligent posts I've read on LJ.
In my mind, Bobby is embarrassed to be a mutant, and he is ashamed to be embarrassed about it. (Much the same way he feels about his sexuality, and for the record, I do ascribe to the idea that Bobby is bisexual, attracted to men, and hates that about himself.)
This is a lot of blathering to lead up to reason I wrote that paragraph. I think that Bobby rarely, if ever, thinks of himself in terms of something other than his mutation. So, he wouldn't think of himself as gay. He would think of himself as a mutant gay person.
Poor Bobby. He has issues. :(
He'd ruined everything. Any idiot could see that Hank was just stunned by the fall. Bobby's ice slide had cradled him from most of the impact and he was just gasping for breath. Any idiot except Bobby, who had landed beside his best friend in the world convinced that Hank was gasping his last breath.
It's canon that Bobby had a hard time making friends with the X-men at first. He's younger than they are. It's what I love about the Hank & Bobby friendship – it's illogical at first. Bobby is smart, but he's not Hank level smart and he knows it. Plus, Bobby is the most likely (again, in my opinion) X-men to react on emotion alone, especially at this early point in their lives. I would guess that he berates himself quite a bit. Behind his jokester personality, he's terribly unsure of himself and has pretty much no self-confidence.
Plus, he's mortified and second guessing himself. Also, I would imagine he's still a bit in shock from the entire event himself. Saving someone with a fall via ice slide happened in Marvels, I just borrowed that idea, but I think it's fairly indicative of Bobby's instinctive reactions.
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Humiliation colored his face as he recalled clutching Hank's shoulders and screaming for help. Hank had gasped his name, sure, but that was only to reassure him that everything was going to be all right. Instead, Bobby heard a tremulous goodbye. Time froze, no pun intended, and all Bobby could think was that Hank was going to die before he knew how Bobby really felt about him.
Oh, Bobby. I could relate to this because I've been in those moments where you're not sure if someone is hurt, or how badly they are hurt, and all you can think is that they are going to die right in front of you. I've never had it be someone I've been secretly in love with, though I imagine that can only make it worse.
So he'd kissed him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Hank stiffened underneath him and Bobby broke the kiss with a single frozen sob, only to be hauled upright by Scott, who was staring at him in shock. Warren and Jean stood off to the side, clearly having seen everything.
I'm literally cringing in embarrassment all over again at this scene. I hate it at the same time that I actually like it. Bobby would react on instinct, and kissing someone you love doesn't seem that far fetched of an instinctive reaction.
Hank, bless his heart, probably has no idea what's going on, except that Bobby – who has a joke for everything, is suddenly very serious and kissing him. Scott is probably reacting only according to his plan – get everyone out of there before the cops show up. So, he is doing what he has to do to make that happen, even as he can't believe what he just saw.
Bobby, who has no secrets and whom I imagine is closest to Scott after Hank, suddenly has a secret that makes it apparent how much the rest of the team actually don't know him. Plus, I don't think Scott is often caught by surprise.
And the idea of having your declaration of love witnessed by everyone – vintage high school misery.
"We've got to go." Scott ordered. "Now. Beast, can you walk?"
When in doubt, fall back on running the mission and code names. Also, I would imagine that Scott is worried about Hank, though clearly not as worried as Bobby was.
To Bobby's eternal relief, Hank had replied. "Yes." It wasn't as eloquent as Hank normally was, but Bobby didn't care.
The last possible moment before realization comes crashing down. I can only imagine that the trip home was utterly hellish for Bobby.
Wow. I guess I had a lot to say!
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"Suicide is a mortal sin in the Christian faith." L broke the silence finally.
If Light was surprised by his comment, he gave no indication. "I know."
"Is it suicide if you set on a course of action knowing that it will end in death? Even if you do not actually take your own life?"
Light shifted, but he didn't look at L. "I would guess that it would be a matter of intent. Do you believe God sees shades of gray?"
"I don't know." L frowned. "If God is omniscient, then He or She would know the innermost workings of each person. I doubt there is any gray."
"You told me once that you believed Kira began with an honest desire to make a better world."
"Yes." L waited, certain that Light would continue without prompting.
"Even if he," Light's lips quirked, "or she, later became corrupt, would you not at least consider the possibility that Kira began in the shades between black and white?"
L shook his head slowly. "Murder is never forgivable."
"Hm." Light hummed, rolling onto his side. He ran his chained hand down L's naked side, stopping at the jut of his hip bone. "Then I suppose God would not see unintentional, but cognizant suicide, any differently than deliberate suicide." He slowly rubbed his thumb over the dip in L's side and moved close enough to press his lips to L's ear. "What has happened that you suddenly fear that Kira will win?"
L caught Light's hand and held it firmly against his hip. "This," he said, simply.
In other news, once you have banners, I would be happy to put them up at my LJ and pimp that way.
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Of course! Please do. I shall do the same.