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ficwizeTitle: Choices
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wizefics (crossposted to that journal as well!)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 6 Espisode: Normal Again; a bit of angst
Disclaimer: I own the fic, but not the fandom. Alas...
Rating: PG-13
Dedication: forkneazles at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fic_on_demand
Request: Unwell
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
~ Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
Buffy curled on her side, arms wrapped around her knees. She buried her face against her knees, trying to stifle the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. It had been so real, so safe. She had been home, but more than that… she had been with her mom and her dad.
They had felt real. They had touched her and hugged her and for the first time since she learned that she was the Slayer, she felt safe. Schizophrenia…
The word sent a shudder through her body and she sobbed again, desperately trying to muffle the sound so that Dawn wouldn’t hear… Willow wouldn’t hear…
To them, she was back and she was normal and she was safe.
How could she possibly explain that even though she had chosen them, chosen this reality where shewas chosen, that she hadn’t wanted to? That she wanted to stay in the other world, where doctors in white coats would make her forget the smell of decaying death that lingered around vampires? They would purge her mind of all she knew of demons and vengeance gods and chaos. The scariest thing she would have to face would be nothing more than a word. Schizophrenia…
And she would face it with her parents. Her mom… Another sob escaped and Buffy grabbed a pillow and she buried her face in it. Her mom had been there. She had held Buffy and she had felt real. She had smelledreal. Like peppermint and the perfume that she had always used.
Buffy had nearly forgotten that smell in the time since her mother had died. Peppermint and perfume were gone from this world, but they had been in the other one. Even as Buffy rocked herself slightly, she didn’t know which world was real.
But she did know which world she wished were real. So she cried. She cried for the air-headed blonde cheerleader that lived in the other world, in a mental hospital, lost to schizophrenia and lost to the family that loved her so much.
She cried because she wished that she was that girl, who was just unwell. She wished that she could not be the Slayer who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and saw no chance to rest in sight. She wanted her biggest worry and fear to be whether she would get well… and know that even if she didn’t, her parents would stay by her side (for six years! forever?) and that she would be cared for and loved.
She cried because deep down in her soul, she believed that a world where she was sick would be better than the world she had chosen.
She cried because she had made her choice and she was going to wonder for the rest of her life, however long it might be, if she had made the right one.
Author:
wizefics (crossposted to that journal as well!)Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Warnings: Spoilers for Season 6 Espisode: Normal Again; a bit of angst
Disclaimer: I own the fic, but not the fandom. Alas...
Rating: PG-13
Dedication: for
kneazles at fic_on_demandRequest: Unwell
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
~ Unwell by Matchbox Twenty
Buffy curled on her side, arms wrapped around her knees. She buried her face against her knees, trying to stifle the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. It had been so real, so safe. She had been home, but more than that… she had been with her mom and her dad.
They had felt real. They had touched her and hugged her and for the first time since she learned that she was the Slayer, she felt safe. Schizophrenia…
The word sent a shudder through her body and she sobbed again, desperately trying to muffle the sound so that Dawn wouldn’t hear… Willow wouldn’t hear…
To them, she was back and she was normal and she was safe.
How could she possibly explain that even though she had chosen them, chosen this reality where shewas chosen, that she hadn’t wanted to? That she wanted to stay in the other world, where doctors in white coats would make her forget the smell of decaying death that lingered around vampires? They would purge her mind of all she knew of demons and vengeance gods and chaos. The scariest thing she would have to face would be nothing more than a word. Schizophrenia…
And she would face it with her parents. Her mom… Another sob escaped and Buffy grabbed a pillow and she buried her face in it. Her mom had been there. She had held Buffy and she had felt real. She had smelledreal. Like peppermint and the perfume that she had always used.
Buffy had nearly forgotten that smell in the time since her mother had died. Peppermint and perfume were gone from this world, but they had been in the other one. Even as Buffy rocked herself slightly, she didn’t know which world was real.
But she did know which world she wished were real. So she cried. She cried for the air-headed blonde cheerleader that lived in the other world, in a mental hospital, lost to schizophrenia and lost to the family that loved her so much.
She cried because she wished that she was that girl, who was just unwell. She wished that she could not be the Slayer who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and saw no chance to rest in sight. She wanted her biggest worry and fear to be whether she would get well… and know that even if she didn’t, her parents would stay by her side (for six years! forever?) and that she would be cared for and loved.
She cried because deep down in her soul, she believed that a world where she was sick would be better than the world she had chosen.
She cried because she had made her choice and she was going to wonder for the rest of her life, however long it might be, if she had made the right one.
