ficwize | FIC: Unlabeled

Title: Unlabeled
Author:

wizefics
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing/characters: All canon pairings through roughly the first half of season 2.
Rating: Teen - for language only.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I am not making money from this.
Prompt: Gwen Cooper. Gwen's never thought about her sexuality before, but fact that her workmates don't seem bothered about the gender of their partners makes her wonder.
Summary: See prompt.
Warnings: The potential Americanizing of all things British, English and Welsh.
Author's Notes: Written for the

lgbtfest, this fic is undeniably the most challenging thing I've written in a long time. Thank you to the mods for the opportunity to stretch myself this way.

I absolutely could not have written this without the help of

st_aurafina, who earned her sainthood as my beta on this one! It is unbelievably better thanks to her hard work. I also would never have finished this without the help and inspiration offered by

smirnoffmule, to whom I am grateful for the tone of the entire second half, as well as the idea on how to bring this to a conclusion.

Any and all remaining mistakes are solely mine. Again, thank you to these two wonderful women.

As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated.

*******************

The Torchwood team was sprawled around the conference table, a growing number of empty beer bottles in the middle of the table, and empty pizza boxes stacked to one side. Jack Harkness sat at the head of the table, one hand wrapped around a beer and the other one resting on the table near Ianto's forearm.

Ianto’s eyes were half closed as he basked in the warm glow of the beer and Jack's nearness. Gwen sat on the other side of Ianto and stared at the pizza crust on her plate with vague distaste, as if it had offended her.

“Oh, God… I can’t believe I ate that much.” She pushed the plate away and Tosh, sitting across from Gwen, groaned her agreement.

Owen, sitting to Jack’s right, snorted. “You birds barely ate anything.” He looked at Jack with a mixture of amusement and disgust. “Unlike Jack here. Where do you put all that food? I’ve never seen anyone eat so much pizza.”

Jack grinned, smugly. “I use it for energy.”

“To fuel all the sitting around you do, eh?” Owen demanded, just a hint of irony in his voice.

“No.” Jack grinned. “All the things I do while lying down.” To his left, Ianto turned a very pretty shade of red. “Although sometimes I sit, too. And every once in a while, there’s standing… or kneeling… or….”

“Stop!” Gwen held up a hand like she was directing traffic, her other hand pressed to her forehead. “I don’t think anyone wants to hear more details.”

“Quite right.” Ianto mumbled, looking appropriately offended, although he hadn’t moved his hand away from Jack’s. Jack touched his arm lightly before setting his own hand back on the table.

“Prude.” Owen grinned. “I wouldn’t mind hearing more details.”

“Which of them do you fancy then, Owen?” Gwen teased, her eyes bright.

“Neither. I like my bedfellows a bit more… soft and round.” Owen retorted, leering at Gwen. “As you well know.”

Now it was Gwen who turned red, but before she could say anything to defend herself, Tosh spoke up sardonically. “All your bedfellows, Owen? I recall a few stories…”

Jack laughed aloud at Owen’s outraged look. “Alien aphrodisiac spray, Owen? Ringing any bells?”

Owen shut his mouth with an audible click and gave Jack a dark look. “Last time I tell you any secrets, mate.”

“What?” Jack asked, feigning innocence. “You weren’t supposed to have that spray anyway. It was Torchwood property. Besides,” Jack was positively smirking now, “You said the boyfriend was better looking than the woman, anyway. I think your exact words were 'easier and more fun.'” Ianto snickered into his hand and Jack winked at him.

“Oi! You shut up.” Owen threatened, although his voice lacked any of the heat necessary to make it in any way menacing. “Boinking the boss means you don’t get any leeway to throw stones.”

Owen turned to Tosh, “And you don’t have room either, Ms. Sleeps With the First Sexy Alien Woman Who Asks!”

Tosh looked abashed, but Gwen stepped in to her rescue. “Speaking of people sleeping with sexy aliens who ask, Owen, you were just lucky that Carys was more interested in escaping than in getting it on.” Gwen smirked at him. “Or maybe she just wasn’t interested once she had you stripped naked and cuffed in the holding cell. Can’t blame her, really. Gets awfully chilly down there.”

Over the laughter that Gwen’s observation provoked, Owen leaned forward. “Those alien sex pheromones worked their number on you, too, love. Don’t forget.” He smirked. “In fact, I think we’ve still got the taped proof that you were hers for the asking.” He took a swig of his beer. “Only she didn’t really have to ask. You seemed pretty willing to go for it.”

“Ahh, yes.” Ianto chimed up. “I believe our girl held hostage by the sex crazed alien said something about having a distinct preference for the ‘surging’ orgasm.”

Gwen shrugged over the laughter. “She probably could tell that I wasn’t really into women that way.”

There was a heartbeat of silence before Jack and Owen both roared with laughter. “What?” Gwen demanded, her cheeks tinting pink.

“The only reason you weren’t 'into' her,” Jack managed, “Was because you were both dressed.”

Gwen blushed a dark red, but she didn’t deny the accusation. Instead she drained the rest of her beer in two long swallows before reaching for another one. “It’s not that she wasn’t pretty,” Gwen stated. “I just… prefer men.”

“Have you ever given the other way a try?” Ianto asked skeptically. All eyes around the table turned to him astonished and he looked around. “What? I’ve had a couple of beers.” He shrugged away his new found liquid courage and Jack grinned and squeezed his arm.

“Well… no.” Gwen answered, suddenly uncomfortable at being the center of attention. “It never really appealed to me.”

“Coulda fooled us,” Jack laughed, picking up his own beer. “So, truth, Gwen.” He tipped his beer glass towards her in a toast. “Have you really never fancied a woman?”

Gwen’s eyes locked on Jack’s. She was going to kill him as soon as this informal pizza party was over. “No.”

Everyone looked incredulous as Gwen looked around at them. “No! Why should I? Just because you all swing whichever way the wind blows…”

“It’s not about that,” Ianto beat them all to the reply. “It’s about loving the person for the person and not for the body they’re in.”

“Or just good sex.” Owen piped up. When Gwen glared at him, he quirked his lips up into a smirk. “And you can’t tell us you’ve never done anything just for the sex.” He tilted his head thoughtfully, his expression mocking. “I believe the words were ‘very good sex’.”

Gwen stood up, angrily. “No, I’m not perfect. I sometimes have had sex just for the sex…”

“No one said anything was wrong with that.” Jack pointed out mildly, taking the wind out of Gwen’s sails before she could really rip into them with righteous indignation. “We were just wondering how someone who claims never to have been interested in women, absent some sort of alien pheromone or magic sex pollen, could have kissed a women with as much passion as you did. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Gwen sat down, deflated for a moment. When she looked up, her expression was unguarded. “How did you all know that you were interested in both genders, then? Because if it’s supposed to be a big revelation, I must have missed mine.”

Jack shrugged, sipping his beer thoughtfully. Leaning back, he crossed his legs, although he still didn’t move his hand away from Ianto's arm. “I’ve never really understood the big deal. Sex is sex; good sex is good sex. A good partner is a good partner. In the end,” he ignored Owen’s snort of laughter, “I don’t think it matters so much who stick what where as long as everyone has a good time.”

“Yeah,” Owen agreed, popping the top off of his fourth beer. “It’s all about getting off and having a good time doing it.”

“Idiots.” Tosh scowled at both men. “Not everyone thinks with their...” She stuttered to a stop and Jack piped up helpfully.

“Their dicks? Or, if you’d prefer the medical term, their penises.” He pursed his lips. “Or is the plural peni? Penises? Penes?” he mused, before shaking it off.

Owen cackled. “You’d better hope not, Tosh. You and Gwen wouldn’t think much at all then.”

“She’s right, Owen.” Ianto countered, with a frown. “Sometimes it's about the connection and not the sex. About enjoying someone’s company and liking the fact that they enjoy yours.”

“Or feeling a connection.” Tosh looked down at her empty beer. “With Mary, I mean… well, she understood me in a way that no one else really ever has.” She looked down the table at Jack. “And it wasn’t just because she was telepathic. She just… knew me.”

“And she loved you.” Ianto finished. “The same way that Lisa loved me. It didn’t matter if she was fully human or even that she was female. She was Lisa and I loved her. Even after her transformation – she was still Lisa. At least she was for a while. She wasn’t just someone I loved because she was there.”

“No one thinks that, Ianto.” Gwen shot Jack a look.

Jack shrugged one shoulder casually, then gently wove his fingers through Ianto’s. “We can’t help who we love.” He spoke carefully, aware of the dangerous ground he was treading upon. “And we shouldn’t have to apologize for the act of loving someone.”

After a moment of silence, Ianto squeezed Jack’s fingers lightly and said, “Love can make you do stupid things.”

Jack agreed. “It certainly can. And as far as I know, no one has a cure. Not in this century or in any other and not on any planet I’ve ever been to.”

“And it really doesn’t matter to you if that person is male or female?” Gwen demanded, pulling the conversation back to safer territory. Jack and Ianto both shook their heads firmly, but Owen and Tosh were quieter. “Out with it, you two. I’m not the only one who has hesitations, admit it.”

“Fine.” Owen swirled his beer in the bottle lazily. “I probably wouldn’t take a bloke home to my mum and expect her to jump for joy that her son is a poof. Then again, I’m not the settling down type, so it’s not a likely problem.”

“My family wouldn’t be happy, either. Before I knew about Mary being an alien… I was worried about her being a woman.” Tosh admitted with a wry smile. “My family wouldn't be happy to hear I was seeing a women, either"

“The alien thing was the only bit we minded,” Jack assured her. “But only because it went along with the homicidal bit.”

Gwen made a noise in the back of her throat. Tosh looked at her, she waved her hand, before she covered her mouth and started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Ianto demanded, at the same time that Owen pointed out, “You’re pissed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes and shook her head. “No, I’m not. Well, maybe a bit, but that’s not the point.”

“So what’s the point?” Jack urged, grinning at her. He was obviously a bit drunk, too, Gwen thought as she looked at him.

“I was just thinking that we,” she pointed around the room, “are either very progressive or very xenophobic. Same sex relationships are fine, but we disapprove of dating outside the species.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jack drawled, his eyes twinkling. “It’s mostly the ‘kill everyone and take over the world mentality’ that we find distasteful.” He leaned forward and tapped the table. “And you, Ms. Cooper, are very good at turning aside attention. I believe the question on the table is whether you would, under the right circumstances, date a woman.”

“Or fuck one at any rate.” Owen clarified. “I don’t really care who you date.”

“Your tastes allow for men and women,” Gwen observed, pointing around the room at the others.

Everyone nodded, even Tosh after a second’s hesitation. Gwen sighed. “I mean… I’m not a prude. I’m not!” She scowled at Owen who held up his hands innocently. “And there was Carys… and Lizzie at Uni.”

“What?” Owen sat up straighter. “Who’s Lizzie?”

“Not the point, Owen.” Jack shook his head.

“Let’s make it the point! I want to hear about Lizzie at Uni.”

Gwen smirked. “I don’t kiss and tell, Owen. It’s not my style.”

“Damn.” Owen leaned back with a sulk.

“I suppose the short answer would be… if Rhys were out of the picture, I would probably look for another man.” Gwen hesitated. “But if the right woman came along, well… I just don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Ianto asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“No, I don’t! That’s fair, isn’t it?” Gwen asked back, looking confused.

“You’re full of it.” Owen snorted. “If the right woman came along, and your pheromones woke up and took notice, you’d be all over her.”

“What if you realized that you loved someone, despite the fact that they shared your gender, Gwen? Would you walk away from potential happiness because of an archaic convention?” Ianto said.

“Or you found someone that you connected with, someone who really understood you - I mean really understood you - would you deny yourself that companionship?” Tosh spoke softly, but she met Gwen’s eyes steadily.

“Or it just felt right?” Jack was grinning at her increasingly bewildered expression. “If something makes you happy, how can it be so wrong?”

“I don’t think it is wrong,” Gwen objected. “I’m just not sure it’s right, for me, I mean. But, I don’t think I would want to deny myself sex, or love,” she glanced between Owen and Ianto. “And, I would never choose loneliness over truly good companionship or someone who understands me.” Her eyes flickered to meet Tosh’s. “And, if someone makes me happy, I don’t know if it could be wrong.” She finished and looked at Jack. “But,” she stressed, glancing around in growing irritation. “Those are all just possibilities and until that time comes, I just don’t know!”

“Okay. That’s enough.” Jack held up his hands, cutting off the conversation. “Gwen, you don’t have to know right now.”

“Thank you.” Gwen snapped. “Now, I’m going home. To Rhys.”

“Bye!” Owen called at her retreating back. “Give our regards.”

Gwen’s retort was lost in the slamming of the door.

************

Gwen came awake as a shudder of pleasure swept through her body. She nearly reached for the hand that had stoked her passion before she realized that she had been dreaming. Sighing softly in regret, she rolled onto her side and closed her eyes again.

Beside her, Rhys stirred and turned into her, tugging her close and spooning against her body. His warmth at her back relaxed her and she smiled slightly. His hand was on her hip, she could feel the heat of it through her pajamas and she murmured his name sleepily.

He responded by pulling her closer, but he didn't wake up and Gwen felt sleep tugging her once more towards the black velvet of unconsciousness. The throbbing in her core faded. It had been a very good dream, Gwen decided, trying in vain to capture the images.

There had been soft and sweet kisses, gentle caresses that roamed her body until finally a hand settled between her legs and urged her to find release. The memory of the dreamed pleasure relaxed her and just before sleep reclaimed her, Gwen saw a smiling face loom over hers and lean in for a quick kiss.

For a moment, Gwen teetered between awareness and sleep and then her eyes snapped open and she gasped.

"Gwen? Wa'ss wrong?" Rhys' voice rumbled in her ear, rough with sleep.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Just a dream."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Gwen forced a smile and rolled to face him, reaching up to touch his cheek. "I'm fine." She repeated with more conviction than she felt.

"Mmm. Good." Rhys' eyes were drifting shut. "You want to talk about it?"

"No. I can't really remember it," Gwen lied, but Rhys only nodded and fell asleep again with a soft snore. Gwen blinked, trying to recapture more of the dream in her memory. She saw a hand complete with manicure. She saw the face, complete with long hair and lipstick and very definitely female.

“Ooohh,” Gwen sighed, biting her lip. Fucking Torchwood, making her doubt things she’d always thought she’d known about the world and herself.

************

“Tosh,” Gwen called her coworker’s name hesitantly across the hub and Tosh answered with a distracted humming noise. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Tosh blinked at the coding problem in her latest translation program then turned to stare at Gwen. “I suppose so,” she answered cautiously. At times, it was harder to decipher her coworker's motivations than the alien text inscribed on so many of the artifacts that fell through the rift. “Why do you ask?”

“Because,” Gwen was flushed and Tosh looked at her more closely. It was unusual for Gwen to be embarrassed. “I need some advice.”

“From me?” Tosh couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice. She and Gwen got along more often than not, but she had never really considered them the sort of friends who would ask each other for advice.

“Yeah.” Gwen’s blush deepened.

“What kind of advice?”

“It’s personal.” Gwen sat down in the chair next to Tosh and set her coffee mug on the counter. Leaning forward, she lowered her voice and Tosh leaned forward, too. “Last night, I was sleeping.”

“Alone?” Tosh interrupted, with a sudden foreboding f that Gwen might be about to launch into some sort of sex story involving Owen.

“What?” Gwen shook her head, confused. “No. Rhys was there, but that’s not important.”

“Sorry,” Tosh smiled sheepishly, doing her best to hide the relief that washed over her. She absolutely didn’t want to hear the lurid details of Gwen’s affair with Owen, whom she still wasn’t totally over.

“I had a dream.” Gwen paused, looking uncomfortable. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother you with this.”

“No, it’s quite all right!” Tosh assured her, desperately curious about whatever it was that Gwen was about to share. “We're friends and friends can talk to each other.”

“If you’re sure,” Gwen still looked hesitant, but she took a breath, determined to see this to the end. “It’s just, I had a dream. About a woman.”

“Someone you know?” Tosh asked cautiously.

“No. Well, I’m not sure.” Gwen shook her head. “That’s not really the point. You see, this women and I, we were, ” Gwen chewed her lips, looking for the words, "We were together."

“And?” Tosh tilted her head forward slightly, waiting for Gwen to clarify.

Gwen gave an exasperated sigh. “No, we were together.” She waited a moment while the light went on above Tosh’s head.

“Oh!”

Gwen twisted her fingers around and around. “And, I was wondering, was Mary was the first woman you’d ever dated?”

“Yeah.”

“How did you know that you fancied her? I mean, she was very pretty but how did you really know?”

“Well,” Tosh shook her head helplessly. “I just knew.”

“Thank you very much.” Gwen sat back, exasperated.

“I’m not very helpful, am I?” Tosh asked, apologetically. “But you’re not asking an easy question. How did you know about Rhys?” She hesitated for a second and then added, as casually as she could manage, “Or Owen?”

“I didn’t really fancy Owen,” Gwen shook her head. “Not the way I love Rhys. It was just complicated.”

“It always is,” Tosh took a deep breath, hoping she could trust Gwen. “The first time Mary and I were together, I was so embarrassed afterward. I mean the sex was fantastic, but I couldn’t believe I’d done something so… so… I don't know. Daring, maybe. I think I shocked myself.”

Gwen smiled, softening. “You cared about her a great deal.”

“Yeah.” Tosh looked down at her folded hands. “I just didn’t expect to. It was a gift. I know it turned out badly, but I could see Mary’s thoughts about me and she loved me – more than she had loved anyone else ever. That’s saying a lot.”

“It really is.” Gwen bit her lip. “I don’t want to offend you, but, if you don’t mind me asking, would you date another woman now?”

Tosh nodded slowly. “If someone special came along, I would. I’m not sure what my family would say, but,” she smiled at Gwen, “At least I know my friends would support me.”

“Support you with what?” Ianto asked, coming around the corner with two mugs of coffee. “I’ve brought you these.” He set them down in front of the two women. “You both seemed really distracted this morning.”

“Is it easier?” Gwen demanded suddenly.

Ianto raised his eyebrows at her. “It would be easier if you all got your own coffee, actually.”

“Not that.” Gwen frowned. “I was talking about our conversation last night. Is it easier being bisexual? I mean, Jack and Lisa. Mary and whatever bloke you fancy.” She looked at them earnestly. “Is it easier?”

“No.” Ianto retorted shortly. “It’s not. It’s bloody awful.” Ianto’s comment surprised Tosh and Gwen into silence. “It’s awful not knowing which label to wear in a world so fond of labels.” He glared at her. “And you’re doing it right now, trying to figure out what label someone supposedly ‘bisexual’ fits under.”

“I am not.” Gwen stood up, offended. “I’m trying to figure out what label I fit under!”

“Well, I wasn’t privy to the whole conversation,” Ianto spoke stiffly, “but I’d hardly say it sounds like you’re having an easy time of it.”

Gwen shook her head stubbornly. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Ianto. But you lot are the ones who brought it up! I was just trying to figure things out.”

“Well.” Ianto started to walk away. “Good luck, because I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure me out and haven’t managed it yet.”

“Did I say something wrong?” Gwen turned to Tosh as Ianto slammed the door.

“Not really, no.” Tosh sighed. “But it’s not an easy conversation to have. Not even for those of us who have reached the uneasy conclusion that we don’t fit under any existing labels.”

************

“Is it biology, then?” Gwen asked Owen, coming down the stairs to the medical laboratory. “You seemed to think so.”

“I think most things are biology, love.” Owen answered, looking up from the stack of charts he was reading through. “But it would help a lot if I knew what we were talking about.”

“Sex.”

Owen leered. “Sex is always biology.”

“Bisexuals, I mean.” Gwen crossed her arms and stood in front of Owen’s desk. “I know some of it has to be pheromones and hormones and…”

“Sex moans?” Owen asked with a smirk.

“Shut up. I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” Owen pushed his charts aside and stood up, bracing himself on his arms and leaning over the desk so that his face was close to Gwen’s. “You’ve really got a bee in your bonnet about that conversation last night.”

“Well, I’ve managed to offend Tosh and Ianto by asking questions.” Gwen huffed, backing away from Owen slightly. “I figured I’d try my hand at offending you.”

“And you want to know if it’s all hormones or pheromones?” Owen raised an eyebrow. “You tell me. You fucked me – was it was there anything else to it?”

“No.” Gwen retorted, angrily. “I don’t even like you.”

“Then there’s your answer, love.” Owen smiled. “It’s all biology.”

Gwen scowled at him. “Is that your answer as a doctor? Or as an arsehole?”

“In your opinion, there isn’t much difference.” Owen shrugged and sat down to open his charts again. “Is there?”

For a long moment, Gwen stood there while he scribbled notes into the margin of the pages he was reading. “That’s not true. It wasn’t all hormones.”

Owen looked up, curious. “Then what was it?”

“If I wasn’t so interested in your professional answer, I’d not admit this.” Gwen sighed. “It wasn’t just sexual attraction with you. I wanted someone who understood what I was going through.”

“You wanted someone who wasn’t afraid of what you were learning about all the things that go bump in the night. Owen amended his usual sarcastic tone absent from his voice.

“Yes.” Gwen looked down at the floor. “And you were there.”

“So it wasn’t all hormones. It was also what?” Owen asked. “Spatial relations?”

Gwen shrugged. “In part.”

“Anything else?” Owen asked, sounding curious.

“For someone who claimed last night that it was all about having a good time, you’re suddenly very interested in my thoughts and feelings on our affair.”

“Consider it professional curiosity.” Owen gave her a crooked smile, and Gwen remembered why she had been attracted to him in the first place. “If it wasn’t pure animal magnetism, what was it?”

Gwen bit her lip, unable to tear her eyes away. “It was a mistake,” she whispered. “I wanted something that you couldn’t give me.”

A flicker of hurt flared through Owen’s eyes, but he nodded. “And I was looking for something that you weren’t.” He wasn’t trying to hurt her and Gwen relaxed into the strange honesty of this conversation.

“I know.” Gwen sighed.

“What we had.” He stopped and corrected himself. “What we have,” Owen hesitated, “is friendship in all it’s fucked up and glorious complexity. And there isn’t a biological term for that.”

************

“You’re worrying too much,” Jack’s voice caught Gwen by surprise and she quickly minimized the window on her computer.

“What? About what?” Gwen turned, tucking her hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. “What am I worrying too much about?”

Jack smiled. “I’m not sure, but you’re babbling which means that I’m right. It’s almost nine o’clock at night and you’re still at work. What are you worrying about?”

Gwen crossed her arms defensively. “I don’t know that I want to talk about it.”

“Fair enough.” Jack came over and sat in the chair next to hers. “But if you don’t tell me, I’m going to have Ianto pull all the internet files so I can see what you were looking at so intently.”

Gaping at him for a second, Gwen turned and furiously reopened the window. “There! Are you satisfied now?”

“Coming Out: Bisexuality in a Straight World.” Jack read, then quirked an eyebrow at Gwen in surprise. “Are you still thinking about that?”

“Yes. I am. Thanks to you lot.” She bit her lip, fighting back tears. “I’ve already done so much wrong. I don’t want to do this, too.”

“Whoa.” Jack reached out to rub her shoulder lightly. “Wrong how?”

“To Rhys.” Gwen’s voice shook. “I’ve lied to him about so much. My job, my work, where I spend so much time, everything. And Owen.” She shook her head. “I can’t be wrong about this too. We’re getting married and I don’t want that to be a sham.”

“Gwen, calm down.” Jack ordered soothingly. “You’re being irrational.”

“Am I?” Gwen demanded. “Because you’re all right. I kissed Carys. I mean, I know now that she was possessed by an alien sex addict, but I didn’t know then. And I liked it. It was nice! And there was Lizzie at Uni, but I thought that was just a phase – like smoking pot. But now…” She shook her head and reached up to wipe away a stray tear. “You’re all right. If it was the right woman, I’d be with her. I wouldn’t want to be alone and unhappy. And I don’t want to be so stuck on labels that I can’t take happiness where I might find it. I can’t be wrong about this. I can’t let Rhys marry me without knowing how I feel.”

“I think that’s your answer right there.” Jack squeezed her shoulder. “You want to make sure that you’re right for Rhys.” She nodded. “Because you care about him. You love him. How could that be wrong?”

“What if I don’t fantasize about him?” Gwen asked.

Jack threw his head back and laughed. “Do you really think all of Rhys’ fantasies are about you?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But you don’t think he fantasizes about being with a man?” Jack leaned back and quirked an eyebrow.

“No, I don’t.” Gwen paused, thinking. “Although I suppose I’ve never really thought about it.”

“What if he did?” Jack asked. “Would you leave him over that?”

Gwen took a deep breath and forced herself to think about the question carefully. “No.” She looked up at Jack. “No, I wouldn’t. I love him. I know I haven’t always acted like I have, but I do love him.”

“And you think he feels differently about you?”

A thousand memories flooded Gwen’s mind at once – Rhys bringing her flowers, kissing her, singing a silly song to make her laugh, making dinner, dancing without any music, making love to her, holding her hand, calling her to tell her a stupid joke because he knew she’d find it funny. “He loves me.” Her voice was certain.

“Then let me ask you again,” Jack lowered his voice. “What are you still doing here?”

Gwen blinked at him in surprise and then threw back her head and laughed. “I don’t know.” She stood up and grabbed her coat, before pausing.

“Is it easy for you, Jack?”

He didn’t ask her to clarify. “What I base my relationships on has very little to do with what someone looks like on the outside.” He shrugged. “But I’ve had a long time to learn to deal with that.” He smiled, and gave Gwen a little push towards the door. “Go home, to your fiancé.”

Gwen nodded. “Good night, Jack. And thank you.”

“Good night, Gwen.”

************

Rhys was reading a book when Gwen walked through the door. He looked up at her with such a pleased smile that Gwen felt tears in her eyes again. “Oh, hey now.” He stood up and walked over to her quickly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing really.” Gwen smiled at him. “I’m just very glad to see you today.”

“Oh?” Rhys teased. “And you’re not very glad to see me every day?”

“Oh, I am.” Gwen reached up and kissed him gently. “Just especially very glad today.”

“And what brought this up?” Rhys asked, wrapping his arms around Gwen’s waist.

“I just realized something at work today.” Gwen smiled. “I realized that I don’t care if you fantasize about men sometimes.”

Rhys’ jaw dropped and he gaped at her for a few seconds. “You know,” he shook his head when he could finally speak again. “I don’t think I even want to know.”

“Would it bother you if you knew that I sometimes fantasized about women?” Gwen asked hesitantly.

“No,” Rhys answered honestly. Then he smiled. “Will you tell me about them?”

“My fantasies?” Gwen asked, surprised.

“Yeah.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “If they’re about anyone as hot as Lizzie was…”

“You’re a pervert,” Gwen giggled, kissing Rhys again. “But I might tell you, if you persuade me.”

“Well,” Rhys picked her up, ignoring her half hearted protest to be put down. “I think I might could manage that.”

Laughing, Gwen relaxed into his arms. “I love you very much, Rhys Williams.”

“I love you, too, Gwen Cooper.” He crinkled his eyes at her. “I hope you never doubt it.”

“I won’t.” Gwen promised. “Now, hurry up and take me to the bedroom.”

“Your wish is my command.” Rhys laughed. “And let me just say, I’m especially very glad to see you, too.”

“Pervert.” Gwen’s laugh floated back through the living room as Rhys kicked the door shut. Jack had been right. She’d been worrying too much.